Sunday, February 12, 2012

When you put limits on treatment......

....you end up putting limits on your recovery....and your LIFE!

I was speaking to students and faculty at a local college this past week, and one of the points I made, as I attempted to help educate them as future health care professionals; was how important it is to never minimize the seriousness of an eating disorder.
I thought of how many times I myself, while in the throes of this deadly illness, kept telling myself that 'tomorrow', I would change, and it would all be better. Of course, I had countless ways to rationalize and convince myself that I would finally 'do it', and I think at times, I believed it. I felt desperate, yet, also, set on not needing 'treatment', and believing that I had to be strong and 'just do it'. I did this for over 30 years, and I will never have those years back.
I run across people every day who regret not getting help sooner, and who feel guilty because they couldn't do it on their own. I understand that. But I also know that the sooner a person allows themselves to admit they cannot make the necessary decisions to recover on their own, the more of their life they will have to truly live.
MINIMIZING OR RATIONALIZING WHAT IS NECESSARY IS A SYMPTOM OF THE DISORDER  {yes, it's in the diagnostic criteria!}
Most people who suffer with an eating disorder worry about what other people think, or 'will' think if they seek treatment. There is no way that the people in their lives don't already know what is going on....usually. And if certain people don't already know, they certainly will, once the disorder causes the person to be completely dysfunctional. There is something about an eating disorder that causes the person suffering to believe that they will somehow be the one who doesn't have a heart attack, renal failure or sudden death. It doesn't work that way.
Full recovery is possible, but not without finally surrendering to those who truly know how to help, and being willing to do WHATEVER it takes to never have the eating disorder again. I had to commit to that, probably a hundred times or more, but had I continued to try to tailor my treatment to 'what I would do', and 'what I wouldn't do', in terms of willingness, I would be dead by now. I have NO doubt about that.
An eating disorder serves a purpose; or else no one would ever develop one. But there is a point where it's only purpose is to destroy. Is it really worth not feeling, hiding away, being in constant pain {physical and emotional}, and literally losing moments, days, weeks, and years of your life to hold onto some tiny aspect that offers {distorted} peace?
The truth is, the surrender involved in recovery offers rewards that cannot be seen until it's done.....and each day offers more.
What are you holding onto; and what are you sacrificing for that control?
An active eating disorder and LIFE are not compatible. The longer you wait to choose, the less of one you will experience.
Which one will it be?
Without apology.....♥






3 comments:

  1. I chronically tell myself that "I will start tomorrow". Everytime that I mess up, which seems to be a daily thing, I think that tomorrow is a new day and I can worry about it then. But the problem is, tomorrow never really comes for me. I think the important thing is to start the change today. I wish I knew how to break this cycle.

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  2. I found that I could only break the cycle for good, and change it, by interrupting it completely. For me, and most others I know, good structured treatment is your best tool. Wishing you the best....

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  3. I am contacting you as a recovery blogger, hoping that you might be able to help me with something. I'm looking for people who experience their ED or "ED voice" as female to share written reflections (stories, letters, poems, or whatever) based on that personification. I've noticed that people in recovery are reluctant to refer to their eating disorders as female, to separate themselves from pro-ana/pro-mia groups. I want to "reclaim" female personifications from the pro-ED camp by publicizing recovery-oriented descriptions of a female ED, to make these descriptions just as much a part of recovery dialogue as the popular (male) "Ed" image. I hope you will consider writing something, and/or share this information with others who might want to contribute. I can be reached at reclaimingana@gmail.com, and more information is available at http://reclaiminganaandmia.blogspot.com/

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