My two sons are the greatest gifts of my life. The honor of being their Mother is one I never felt deserving of, yet I know in my heart and soul was meant to be. As any Mother knows, your child(ren) are gifts like no other, so no offense please to those who also mean the world to me, quite literally.
I would like to celebrate Matthew and Timothy today, with a few simple reflections, yet ones that I will forever hold in my heart.
Matthew, you were like velvet over steel, from the very first day I 'met' you, at only 8 days old. Strong in every physical way, plus with the gift of a very sensitive and giving heart, despite the struggles you have faced...we all faced. I love you with all my heart and soul, and I am proud of you for who you are, and for enduring what no person should ever have to witness. I am sorry that I was not able to give as much of myself to you during your growing up years, but I hope you know that I truly did my best. I am thankful each day that we are now able to have an adult relationship, where we can laugh and understand each other on a much higher level. I believe in you, and whether you understand or believe it, I trust that there are better things ahead for you, and I want to be a part of all of it! I love you Matt...♥
Timothy, I write this trusting that you know and see all that my life is today. I also believe that you 'walk' beside Matthew and I with your own magical way of inspiring us.
I miss you every single day. I imagine how your life might have been on this day, had you not been taken from this Earth nine years ago [on Monday]. That is not for me to know or see, nor will I ever have an answer as to why your life was taken, and then, in some miraculous way, I was given mine back. I would never have asked for that or planned it that way. But I am not the one in control. You know I cry for my own selfish pain, but that is also a testament to how much I love you. For as long as I live I will cry for you, and I also cry for the pain that Matthew continues to feel. But I am inspired and strengthened each day by the memories I have of your strength to endure what your short life gave you. You must also know that you touched the lives of many people during those 17 years.
Nothing will ever change the fact that you both made me a Mother. That is a 'role' that I am proud of, and thankful for.
My heart is full, my tears are ever-present, and I only hope that I can live my life in a way that makes you both proud. I love you, my sons.