I am reminded continuously of how little I truly 'experienced' in my life up until the past few years. With all my focus and energy devoted to the eating disorder that nearly killed me, little was left for 'experiences'.
My life was so narrow, my vision so dull. Today, I am like a sponge, constantly soaking up information and looking for opportunities to LIVE, which is much different from just being alive.
Dave and I attended a great concert last night at the Fox Theater in Detroit. Driving up, in a mess of traffic, I was calm, excited (is that possible?), and looking forward to the experience of hearing The Moody Blues. Just a few years ago, I would have been unable to do that. Being out late made me anxious...a change in my schedule. Fear of crowds of people...so many fearful thoughts that would have caused me to shrink back from going. I would have dreaded the night for weeks before.
The theater is old and beautiful. I was enamored by the elaborate decor, and felt a thrill from just being there. Very different from my past.
I waited in anticipation for the concert to begin, and I wasn't looking at those around me, focusing on the size of their bodies', comparing myself in every way to how others were living the evening. I didn't feel afraid. You know, that fear that we might get caught in traffic, and heaven forbid, get home late and, and, and, my routine be DIFFERENT!!!
I was IN THE MOMENT, entirely. I screamed my primal concert scream (yes, I do that!), jumped up and down, danced at my seat, and didn't even consider what anyone else was thinking. I was there for my own enjoyment, with my 'man'.
I didn't run out of energy. Imagine that! We had to run back to the car, in the pouring rain, about 3/4 mile away. By the time we got to the car, we were both soaked, and I was laughing so hard I was nearly crying!! In years past, I would have been falling over, angry and I probably would have ruined the entire night for both of us with my negative attitude. The concert? I would have sat through it with my thoughts someplace else completely, wishing over and over that I could be home and done with the night.
This morning was a bit lazy...I slept in later than usual, and it was OK! We had a great time last night, making more memories to share and laugh about in the coming years we have together. And me? I smile and feel extreme happiness knowing that each day holds more true experiences for me.