Sunday, August 8, 2010

Broadening your Horizons

An eating disorder, and the fears that accompany it, can and will narrow your world to the point of isolation, and cause you to feel alone and hopeless.
I grew up feeling unacceptable, by my peers, my family and most everyone else around me. Some of this was due to direct criticism, but the type of controlled, black/white environment that I was raised in was also a contributing factor. My future was dictated to me, and I see now that much of my resistance was based on my internals opposition to this. Yet, I felt unable to express my own desires, and I feared upsetting those around me. So I went along.....on the outside..until I could no longer.
That is when I began to seek acceptance by achieving a lower weight, which I was told, would make me a 'better' person. This message was not conveyed directly, in a verbal way, but by the way that I was encouraged to 'conform'.
My environment also portrayed a very dangerous and 'bad' world, which led me to believe that I was not safe unless I was 'hidden', or unless I remained submissive to the forces around me.
As I became more and more ill with an eating disorder, my world continued to narrow. My view of the world narrowed, and my fear increased. I truly saw no way 'out', so controlling my weight, and what I ate felt like my only source of safety, however convoluted that was.
During my treatment and recovery at the River Centre, I began to see how much more there was to the world, and how my fears were holding me back.
After my weight was restored to a healthy point, where I could fully engage in life and make my own choices in a safe way, I started to challenge my old beliefs, the beliefs that had been instilled in me, in a way that enabled me to know myself and become more independent.
My eyes are wide open in a way I have never known before. I see all experiences as a chance to grow, and I am not afraid.
My world have become so much larger, so much more fulfilling, and the relationships I have with the people around me are mutual. What a concept!
I can now see that as my body diminished in size, the world around me did also. My options were limited, my fears seemed insurmountable, and the walls were closing in.
How narrow is your world? What is holding you back from being fully alive each day?
The truth is, we each determine how we will live our lives. Sometimes we need help to break free from old limitations. No one needs to waste even one more day with their eyes half-open.
Without apology.....♥

2 comments:

  1. Fear has held me back. My world has been narrow not only psychologically and emotionally but currently physically as well.

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