Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Thankful for NO weight loss!!

So, some of you are probably thinking, "yeah, right".
First, I'd like to thank you all for just 'being' last week during those few days while I was sick, then my Mother-in-Law, then Dave...etc. I hate being sick like nothing else...such a waste of good time! :)I have never picked up viruses or such very easily, so perhaps that's part of why I hate being 'down' with anything (or just my hyper nature :)
It's probably been about three years since I've actually been sick and had to be in bed and not engaged in my daily activities.But, this time was different in another way. Even while I was ill with anorexia, being sick with a stomach virus always frightened me. I think because I knew I was weak, and that any weight loss due to such a virus would add to the intensity of my illness. It frightened me in the same odd way that thinking I may not have access to food always did...weird I know, when I was simultaneously choosing to starve myself. Sigh....
This time, I totally listened to my body, and acted in accordance. I rested and I ate as I felt able, but I didn't feel that terror of the past about not being able to eat my normal amount. I felt a peace and trust with my body and my mind. I didn't worry that being out of a routine with my eating would cause me to spiral. I felt safe, despite the nausea and well, other 'problems' :)
I took the same approach as I began to feel better....eating what I knew I needed, yet also staying aware that forcing things would not serve me well :) It's been less than a week since I began to feel better, and I feel like myself again...thank God!!
I stopped in today at my 'favorite weighing spot'..hehe....and was told that after a small 'dip' right after I had been sick last week, my body had bounced right back to where it needs to be!!
For me, that is further affirmation that I am continuing to heal....that my body is where it needs to be, and that it is protecting it's healthy weight!! I feel safe. I feel a bit giddy, to know that I am alive and I don't have to 'work' to stay that way. I hope that makes some small amount of sense.So, tonight...I am peaceful knowing that I did not lose weight.
Thank you all for 'listening'...Namaste.

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