Saturday, February 13, 2010

Uncertainty: Challenge or Possibility?

For many many years, even before I became ill with an eating disorder, I liked to know what the 'plan' was. I would become very anxious about the things in my life that were uncertain. I 'needed' to know ahead of time what to expect, or at least I thought that I did.
While I struggled with anorexia, this 'need' for certainty became stronger and encompassed more and more areas of my life. I can understand now how my insecurities and the lack of control in so many areas of my life played into that, but of course, I didn't understand it at all then.
I often am told the same thing by others who are in recovery from an eating disorder. Absolutes seem much 'safer' and if uncertainty looms ahead, it can bring intense fear. This has to do with the lack of control involved, and what I believe to be the fear that the absolute worst will happen. If a situation isn't clearly 'black' or 'white', it's often just avoided or not dealt with. It's too frightening.
I see things much differently now. Much of that is due to my ability to be in the present and enjoy life for it's experiences, and the confidence that I can face whatever is ahead for me without breaking down.
What helped me to face the fear of the unknown, or the uncertainty of the future? After all, none of us knows what tomorrow will bring.
I began to look at things with a more postitive outlook, always knowing that whatever was to come could be handled. I am not alone anymore, by my own choice, or without resources and friends who I can count on. I no longer expect the impossible of myself. I also like to think that the 'unknown' of the future offers possibilities, and not just challenges!
Look at the odds: whatever tomorrow or the next hour brings, there is a 50% chance that the experience will be positive. And the other 50%? I know I can make wise decisions about how to cope and get through the challenge. Nothing stays the same forever.
Without apology....

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for this post- I can COMPLETELY relate. I always had what I thought of as "the game plan" for each day, and while recovering am trying to be more open to spontaneity.